Brief Assessment of the Present

I have no idea how to do research.
therefore...
I will have to find out!

I found out - that my way of keeping the literature resources that I've read is - putting it politely - not helpful. At least I do not remember what did I read.
therefore...
I need to add notes about what I've read and what I thought and how useful did I find it. Quick abstract of every article from my point of view.

I've lost the idea of why am I doing this research. Well, it comes and goes, so it is probably just one of the steps on the way. But it feels quite difficult, because I'm restlessly trying to fill up the time with doing SOMETHING, without any reason of doing it. And, certainly, I feel exhausted of doing things that I made myself to do, because I neither want neither need them. Am I running away from the reality? Scared to check the present and see that it is not as good as I wanted it to be? Lacking energy to assess the situation and make improvements?
I feel like the last statement is the most true, but is it really true, or is it my explanation to myself? Need to think about it and start doing useful things and abandon useless.