Once again, I am amazed at how books come just in time to explain what has happened. This time, I was saddened by the results of my psychological assessment, by my seeming inability to become a part of the crowd, by the harsh criticism of my way of life. I've read Siddhartha (Hermann Hesse) and found a friendly soul. My amateur asceticism has led me to the same lack of concern for daily "pleasures" as it did for the professional Siddhartha. My intuitive "fast-wait-think" philosophy has developed with the aid of different teachers but, yet, to a similar result. My pain of losing loved ones has split the reality in the midst of its serenity, just as it happened to Siddhartha. And even the same characteristic of life as a pilgrimage - going nowhere, what else?
And probably, above all, "there are no goals". These are my words repeated by Siddhartha a few times in the novel. And just as I use them - sometimes in desperation, sometimes in celebration of the perfection of this world - Siddhartha uses them too.
Then there is this allegory. My life consists of several lives: me-independent-schoolchild, me-chaotic-student, me-devoted-to-my-job, me-hating-my-job, me-athlete, me-artist, me-dancer, me-wife, me-science-fiction-character. Some of these lives are so different, so far away that it is hard to believe that I am the same person. Could it have been me - wanting to die because of a fight with my ex-husband? Could it have been me - scared to travel to the USA during my teenage years? Could it have been me - partying every weekend? And at the same time, in my every action, no matter how different it is, there is a part of all of these lives and versions of myself. And the allegory is that this is true across all people: look at a random stranger - he is a part of you and you are part of him. You are a part of your greedy president, a part of the rudest driver, a part of a murderer...but also a part of the most beautiful, clever, and kind person in the world. The identity does not exist. We are fluid, we are together. We are one.
I must bring to your attention the Tetyana you overlooked in your post who is a mystic transcendentalist. She would not be annoyed by your oversight since she clearly understands the difficulty in naming the 10,000 names all at once. Hey, have you heard the one about the buddhist monk who ordered a hotdog? He said "make me one with everything." Hope that translates out of the American 20th century cultural context OK.
ReplyDeleteUh, I am not surprised I overlooked her: mystic transcendentalist sounds too complicated for me to remember when I am writing! :D
ReplyDelete"Make me one with everything" - hahaha! Nice one. It's so funny because it makes and does not make sense on so many different levels!!!
Perfect
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